Changes

Some are good, some are not so good.

Good changes are happening with Circle of Life. I have started completing the small New York Beauty units.

A not so good change in weather. We had a really wet spring; now we are praying for rain. 

A good change is being retired. Until a few days ago when someone asked me what the start date of school was I could answer that I didn't know. I found out last week staff goes back Monday the 19th. I am thankful I will not be among them. Students go back Wednesday the 21st. While I am glad I am retired I will miss working with young people. I really did like my job for a long time. Changes happened. I hadn't liked it much for several years before I retired.

A good change is I get to spend more time with my husband. We are both enjoying that. That isn't to say that once in a while he makes me a little bit crazy, but I am glad to get to spend the time with him. I am also more available to him to help out with some tasks. For example, when a vehicle needs to go in to be worked on he doesn't have to wait for me to come home; we can take it in sooner and pick it up sooner. I will draw the line at driving the combine or pulling a grain wagon. I do not have enough experience (none) or confidence to do those things.

A good change is I get to spend more time doing the things I enjoy. In the past I didn't do much sewing/quilting during the school year because I was mentally tired at the end of most days. That meant I spent my summers trying to accomplish too many things I deemed important on a list that I added to as the school year progressed. I was in such a rush to get as many things accomplished in those few short weeks before school started again that I didn't really enjoy what I was doing. And, I never crossed ALL the items off. Now I am enjoying my projects. I realized this as I was ripping yet another seam that wasn't quite right on the Circle of Life quilt. I didn't feel stressed or frustrated. I was just thankful that this was an item I didn't need to try to cross off my list before school started. I probably would not have even started this project if I was still working knowing I would not be able to get it done by August 19th.

Some changes are not so good. My brother passed away in a motorcycle/SUV accident two years ago. My SIL told me recently that she has started dating. He is an old friend. I told her I am happy for her and I meant it. I really am happy for her. She is a social person and I don't think anyone should be lonely if they find someone they enjoy spending time with. I know my brother would feel the same. And, my niece likes him and is supportive. But, when I saw a post on Facebook with a picture of the two of them together, it felt ... I don't know, weird. I am just not used to seeing her with another guy. I am still happy for her and hope she is happy too.

I also lost an Aunt and an Uncle this year. This will likely change some holiday plans for my family. This part of the family always got together for Thanksgiving. My Uncles' wife has Alzheimer's. My Aunt's daughter and her husband may break with tradition. I don't know if my SIL and Niece will want to do Thanksgiving as we have in the past or start a new tradition. Guess we will find out. 

My Dad is suffering the affects of Alzheimer's. When we talk on the phone he usually doesn't know who I am and doesn't want to talk. I get it, it's hard to talk to a person you don't know, or about things you don't remember. When we seem him in person it sometimes takes him a while to figure out who I am. But he always asks me what the farmer is up to. The farmer being my husband. He usually figures out who my son is after a bit, but calls him 'the boy' because he can't remember his name. He sometimes, more and more often, doesn't know who my Mom is. But, she says he is not mean. He is kind to her, even when he isn't sure who she is. He always enjoyed traveling, going places, visiting with people. He doesn't anymore. He's ready to go home almost as soon as they get wherever they are going. This all makes me so sad.

My opinion of my FIL is changing daily. Not in a good way. I am realizing things about him and the way he treated my MIL, and other people, that make my heart sick. People tell my husband things that they noticed or things that happened years ago. I wish I had realized it sooner, while she was still alive, so I could have done some things differently. I am not sure it would have made much difference, but it might have. The man has a mean streak. 

Just a little vent here. You can stop reading now if you like. Two of the hay fields we bale are behind my FIL's house. We have to go through his driveway, between a shed and corn crip, through one gate and pasture with cows, through another gate, and sometimes another gate to get to the hay without the cows getting into a place they shouldn't be. FIL has been parking his truck and car across from each other in the drive in spots that make it difficult to maneuver the tractor, baler equipment and hay racks through. Husband has asked him several times to move either the car or the truck. He refuses. Friday FIL had moved the car. It was out of the way. I am pretty sure it was an accident because while Husband was raking the hay he saw FIL make his way out of the house, down the 5 steep porch steps to the car, move the car to a bad spot and go back in the house! Mind you, he has arthritis and managing the steps is difficult and painful, as is turning the key to start the car. All I can think is that there must be some powerful emotion involved for him to go through all that to intentionally move the car to a spot he knows is in the way. I wish I could get in his head so I could at know why he does and says the things he does.

So I am sitting at my sewing machine thinking of all the changes happening. Some are good, some are not so good.