I literally have a pain in my neck. It is on the right side and even though intensity of the pain comes and goes it is always there. I think it is from too much computer time. I am right-handed and have my arm outstretched with my hand on the mouse a lot when browsing and even reading blogs. I need to try to stay away from the computer for awhile to see if that helps. Should get more accomplished on the quilting front!
Speaking of quilting I got the backing cut and pieced for the Indian motorcycle quilt.
The quilt has been loaded on the long-arm and I have made 4 passes.
Hope to finish it the next day or two, if the pain in my neck doesn't get too bad.
Another pain in my neck has been the triangles I have been gifted.
I spent a lovely day yesterday with 'my' quilting group. There are five of us that do some things together fairly often. Sue (the oldest), Sally, Diane, Cindy, me (the youngest). We range in age from 80+ to 61. We are a fun group. But another pain in my neck is that occasionally Sue and I have a difference of opinion and it happened again yesterday. I can't seem to get it out of my mind. She and her husband were good friends with my in-laws and are the godparents to my husband and his sister. Her husband died more than 20 years ago. There has not been much interaction between her and my in-laws in years. She did visit my MIL a few times when MIL was in the nursing home. She does ask about FIL from time to time, but never calls or visits him. She does share with me that she has seen or someone mentioned SIL occasionally. I haven't seen, nor do I care to, my SIL since shortly after my MIL died. Sue and my disagreements are concerning offering and accepting help with things that can no longer be done because of illness or inability.
RANT BEGINS HERE. My FIL has made it very plain that no one helps him. His children and grandchildren do nothing for him he tells people. My son lives two hours away and is physically and visually disabled. His other three grandchildren live 2000 miles away so I am not sure what he expects from them. I say he has made it very difficult and is very unpleasant whenever Husband or I have tried to help him. Sue says getting old is hard and frustrating and people don't want to ask for help. I get that, but I say we worry about him, about him injuring himself, or worse, because he refuses to ask for or accept help. Last winter he told my husband about how he lost his footing on the ice, fell and slid under his truck when he went to retrieve his mail from the mailbox along the road. I feel that he is exaggerating this story a bit. Husband has offered several times to bring his mail in for him. He is down there doing chores and would be happy to do that for him. We don't want him to fall, or worse. Nope, he says he can get his own da** mail! OK. He fell going down the stairs to the basement where the washer and dryer are. He demanded a handrail be put up which Husband did immediately. He refused to let Husband do that when MIL fell down the stairs. I offered to do laundry. Nope, he just doesn't do laundry anymore. Nor does he bathe since he can't get in and out of the tub (no shower) anymore. He has refused help with that also. He has refused any kind of aid from us. Will not let us install safety features for him. He told Husband not to bring him anymore da** food. OK. But, Husband's sister has suddenly been visiting him on Sundays for the last few weeks. Sue knew about that somehow. And, what a wonderful, loving daughter she is! FIL said she lays on the couch most of the time she is there. She says he stinks and his clothes are dirty and she is going to throw them all away and buy him new ones. Hasn't happened. Then she tells Husband HE needs to do this or that for FIL, then she gets in her car and leaves. She doesn't do anything, but thinks her brother should. Oh, he is also suppose to have been 'taking care' of her, making sure she is financially set for life, whatever the hell that means.
I didn't say most of this to Sue. I did ask her if she felt her own children would not help her if she needed it, or would resent helping her. She responded it is harder for them to come help her since they all live several hours or states away and all are working. I asked what if they lived in the same town as her and she seemed to think they wouldn't want to help her. She then went on the say one of her biggest regrets is not doing more for her own mother when she was older and lived in the same town. By the end of our conversation I was confused and angry. I feel that I should and would do anything necessary to care for my FIL if only he would accept my help. She has made me feel like I am not doing enough for a man who clearly does not want any help. And thinks it is acceptable for him to be so unpleasant. Unpleasant isn't a strong enough word to describe the behavior and attitude of this man. He has always been one to stir up trouble and hard feelings among his family members. He is greedy, a liar, cheat, and mentally and emotionally abusive. Husband has witnessed it and suffered from it for years. The man puts on a different face for other people, most of the time, unless they make him mad. We have been hearing stories for a while now of things he has said and done to MIL and business people he has dealt with. So this isn't just and 'old age' thing, although I do think it is escalating as he ages. I do feel sorry for him in a way, but I also feel like he has put himself in this position of no one wanting to help him.
3 comments:
It is so hard to deal with fractious family members. But you must do what is best for your family and ignore those on the outside looking in. You cannot make someone take help, but maybe just do things you know will help and ignore his griping. That way you will not feel regret in the end.
Hi, I hopped to you from another blog and from Allie's before that. Old family members can be difficult, and after looking after my MIL for 8 years, now think as their lives get more limited, they tend to think of what they cannot do, rather than on what they are able to.Hang in there, one day he will realise that asking for or accepting help is OK.My MIL knitted, maybe not quite the idea, what about puzzle books, or a NON family member to call in occasionally? Now, onto you cutting table,mine is large and heavy, and is outside on our huge deck that has a big covered rook with clearlite plastic, and I think a lower item on runners like yours would help so much. I,too, have dust, dirt, leaves etc there, and am using another outside table to support the extra fabric. But lately I have been making curtains, and that would have been such a help.
Love your table set up and the library book cart! I have the same trouble with my triangles - so I can relate - LOL. I like NancyJ's idea about a NON family member checking in on your FIL - BOB thinks that maybe Sue would like to do it - ;))
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